Readings for today: Job 22-24
There is nothing more terrifying than the feeling of existential loneliness. The belief that I am all alone in the universe. A cosmic accident. A product of random, impersonal forces. A collection of atoms. No divine purpose. No human dignity. No moral center. Recently a friend of mine challenged me with this question, “When was the last time you knew Jesus was real and this wasn’t all just a bunch of b**sh**t?” Such a great question. One that deserves a thoughtful answer. I told him about a time three years ago when I was in a rural area in the Horn of Africa. Suffering from jet lag. Lying awake on a hard bed praying for someone I loved dearly who was fighting an incredible battle. After exhausting all my words, I finally gave up and cried out to God, “Jesus, I just don’t have any more words to pray.” In that moment, I experienced the Holy Spirit coming over me in a powerful way. He began to pray for me according to His promise in Romans 8:26. I was overwhelmed. Unable to move for about an hour. At the end of that time, I found myself weeping in relief at the palpable presence of God in my life.
At the same time, I have also had moments where I experienced God’s absence. Much like Job, I didn’t know where to find Him. I couldn’t perceive Him. My prayers felt like they were bouncing off the ceiling. Perhaps that’s why I resonate so deeply with the words we read today, “If only I knew how to find him, so that I could go to his throne. I would plead my case before him and fill my mouth with arguments…If I go east, he is not there, and if I go west, I cannot perceive him. When he is at work to the north, I cannot see him; when he turns south, I cannot find him. Yet he knows the way I have taken; when he has tested me, I will emerge as pure gold.” (Job 23:3-4, 8-10 CSB) Historically, these moments are called the “dark night of the soul.” Moments in a person’s life where they find themselves wandering in deep darkness. Hopeless. Helpless. Despairing. They can last for days, months, or even years. And, as I said above, there is nothing more terrifying than feeling like you’ve been abandoned by God. It’s why Jesus’ cry from the cross is so horrible. “My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?” The experience of God-forsakenness is a taste of hell on earth. It’s not something I would wish on anybody, not even my worst enemy. But it is the experience of Job. And what makes Job such a profound example of faith is that He is somehow able to hold onto God even when he cannot find Him. He is able to follow God even when he cannot see Him. He is able to trust God even when he cannot feel Him. It’s why he says at the end of his own cry of dereliction, “Yet He knows the way I have taken; when He has tested me, I will emerge as pure gold.” What a testimony of faith!
Every Christian I have ever known has suffered a dark night of the soul. Every Christian I have ever known has walked through the valley of the shadow of death. Every Christian I have ever known has experienced the absence of God in certain seasons of life. The key in those moments is to trust God even when we cannot see Him or sense Him or feel Him or perceive Him. Our faith must transcend beyond our five senses. We must believe in the midst of our doubts and questions and fears. We must remain convinced that God will fulfill His promises though it may not be according to our time or according to our plan. This is the essence of true saving faith.
Readings for tomorrow: No readings on Sundays