Readings for today: 2 Corinthians 10-13
I was sixteen when I first went to see a counselor. It was something my mom set up in the wake of an intervention with my dad over his alcoholism that didn’t go well. I remember sitting in the woman’s office. The furniture wasn’t all that comfortable. The whole place felt “institutional” to me. Almost like a prison. I remember her asking me a lot of questions about my life. I remember being on the defensive from the start and not wanting to discuss my feelings. However, one set of questions still sticks out to me after all these years, “Why do you work so hard to succeed? Why do you feel you have to prove yourself to those around you? Who are you trying to impress?“ The truth was actually fairly simple. I was trying to impress my dad. I wanted his approval and affirmation more than anything else in my life. I wanted to prove to him that I was a success. The reality was much more complex. Deep down in my adolescent brain, I believed if I achieved enough, succeeded enough, won enough in life that perhaps I could erase my shame over my father’s addiction. I know it’s not logical but it’s real and it’s how I felt. Years later, I found myself in another counselor’s office. I was married now with my own children. I was serving my first church in ministry. I was working long hours and burning out. So I went to see a professional. Interestingly enough, he asked me a similar set of questions. “Why do you work so hard to succeed? Why do you feel you have to prove yourself to those around you? Who are you trying to impress?” This time, I was ready to process. The counselor and I worked through the layers of shame and guilt that had built up over my life and helped me ground my identity in the unconditional love of my Heavenly Father. This, in turn, helped me lay aside my need to impress others or prove myself to them.
I have no idea what kind of emotional journey the Apostle Paul took in his own life but clearly he had come to a similar conclusion. Though he had every reason to boast in his achievements and success, he considered them worthless when compared to the surpassing glory of Jesus Christ. It’s why he’s so uncomfortable having to prove himself to the Christians at Corinth. He doesn’t want to have to give them his resume or prove he was just as capable and qualified as the self-proclaimed “super apostles” who had come after him. So instead of boasting about his successes, Paul turns the whole thing on its head and begins to boast over his weaknesses. “If boasting is necessary, I will boast about my weaknesses.” (2 Corinthians 11:30 CSB) In fact, he even shares about a persistent struggle in his life - no one is certain as to what it is - that he asks God to deliver him from. God’s answer is telling and transforms Paul’s perspective forever. “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is perfected in weakness.” Therefore, I will most gladly boast all the more about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may reside in me. So I take pleasure in weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and in difficulties, for the sake of Christ. For when I am weak, then I am strong.” (2 Corinthians 12:9-10 CSB)
“My grace is sufficient for you.” There is incredible freedom in those words. Freedom from the need to prove myself. Freedom from the need to impress others. Freedom from the need to perform. Freedom from the need to be a success. Freedom from the fear of failure. Freedom from the fear of being vulnerable. Freedom from the fear of letting people see the “real” you. Once God’s grace gets inside you, it changes you. It transforms you from the inside out. It grounds your identity on the unchanging nature of God Himself. It pours a foundation for your life that is immovable and unshakeable. It was God’s grace that gave Paul the courage to boast in his weaknesses. It was God’s grace that gave me the courage to overcome my shame and fear. And it is God’s grace that can give you the courage to do the same.
Readings for tomorrow: No devotionals on Sundays