Readings for today: Genesis 41-43
Guilty conscience. We’ve all experienced it. In my work as a pastor, I have had hundreds, if not thousands, of conversations with people to help them process their guilt. Some are crippled by it. Some try to dismiss it. Others fall somewhere in between. Our experience of guilt often depends on our personality. Some are simply more conscientious than others. They tend to dwell on their mistakes. They struggle to forgive themselves or let go of the ways they’ve failed. Others find it easier to move on. They are not as self-aware. They often don’t realize or take seriously the impact they have on others. Still others have a relatively healthy relationship with guilt. They feel it when they blow it but they are more than willing to ask for forgiveness. They are attuned to how their words or actions impact others and try to be sensitive to those around them. Then there are those few who don’t experience guilt at all. This is actually a sign of a sociopathic or psychotic personality disorder. Guilt is not a bad thing. In fact, it’s a good thing. It’s a reminder to us that our words and actions matter. The impact of what we say and do follows us. When we fail to resolve hurt or pain or self-destructive choices, we will find ourselves haunted by guilt. This is God’s way of reminding us and pushing us towards forgiveness and reconciliation.
Joseph’s brothers were haunted by their guilt. I have always found it fascinating that their first response to being falsely accused is to trace it back to how they treated Joseph. Clearly, their actions had been haunting them for years. Perhaps it’s because their father refused to resolve his grief. Perhaps it’s because Reuben wouldn’t let them forget it. Whatever the reason, they clearly suffered from a guilty conscience and it had a ripple effect across their family system. It created all kinds of brokenness and division among them. It fostered an environment of fear and shame. They return home and Jacob blames them for the loss of his sons. Reuben offers his own sons as a sacrifice. Does he seriously think Jacob will kill his own grandsons in his grief? Finally, Jacob threatens them with his own potential death. The whole scene is heartbreaking and a clear example of the impact of our sinful choices.
There is only one way to heal a guilty conscience. Forgiveness. Repentance. Reconciliation. This is the only way to be set free from the mistakes of our past. It’s the only way to move beyond our failures. It’s the only way to find peace with God, with others, and most importantly, ourselves. Spend some time today reflecting on your life. Are there memories that haunt you? Recurring nightmares that cause you anxiety? Relational brokenness you know you need to resolve? Are there choices you’re making right now that you know are sinful? Where do you need to repent and return back to God in your life? God wants you to live a life of freedom. But freedom only comes when we follow His ways.
Readings for tomorrow: Genesis 44-46